God.

‘To You. If You are listening to my prayers.’

Its been long time since I last pray to You. I know I don’t deserve any more blessing for I’ve sin enough…

Yet, as one of Your creation. I pray for a map.

For I am lost.

There are things that happens in life, unpredictable. Once, You gave me gifts, but I didn’t appreciate it, and it ends up You took it all back.

We human will never really appreciate a gift. Until it is lost forever, and when we are, unable to retrieve it back as time is not forgiving as You are.

There are times that, I wish for result as I’ve done what I could. Yet the result may results in the opposite way…despair we always will be. However it is, I know it is impossible to pray that You will guarantee our wish will always comes true.

I had a dream. A dream in which I can turn back time, brought back things that was mine. But I know. You wont allow, and I understand.

Mistakes. Countless I’ve made in the 2^nd decades of my life so far, yet another more countless there might be. I can only pray that I wont repeat the same. Yet time may repeat it, all over again until One knows: it is inevitable.

I have a dream. Yet as an unbeliever, this dream might be too much to ask You. I don’t deserve it You might say. Hence so I pray, and pray again, hoping You may be listening this time…

I will, do what I could. And because there is no certainty in life of Humanity, I could only pray that all shall goes smooth. As for the result, it is up to You, my Creator.

I thank You, for taking Your precious time to listen while there are countless more Being out there, whom really require Your attention…

I, as one of Your creation, I humbly ask You: at least, grant me this wish…

“I wish I could, I wish I might. See a line tonight, separating wrong from right. “

May all be well,

Lee yen yao.

.the missing link.

"单方面付出的爱情是很难维持的。。不要觉得难过。只有付出真心的人才会得到他的真爱。。"--------凯雯.

I don’t wanna know the truth anymore, even until the extend of fearing to know it.

Past. Leaves marks onto the cerebral cortex. Bittersweet of the memories and time, smiles whenever the past flashes by. Inerasable. Irreversible.

I miss the past. But past is past. no point crying over spilled milk

Hurt. Physical pain, merely causes from trauma, injury or of pathogenic origin. Is Nothing. when compare to mental injury. emotional caused angina is thousand times worst than Cardiac angina. The wound can’t even be compress. It just originates from the thoracic centre and spread to the rest of the site. hurts.

Changes. Revolution. A total different realm than the original state. What gone is gone. When a thing/person goes into a state of absentee. It could be already stated clearly: long gone.

All will be well. As all whom lost will ever hope to be. For it is the only resort, the only hope. That they have.

Sometimes. Something happens and when you are total loss of hope. Help and caring may arrive from places and persons you least expect it. And when it happens. It really touches your heart. It really does.

you will never appreciate a thing/person until a time when u felt that, u have totally lose it and unable to retrieve back. It has gone, along with the wind. human nature.

What you’ve done will not always ends in result. Never expecting one cuz its never the law of the nature. Things might ends in vain, in the very end.

Faithful. an act. takes time. but if times couldn’t prove it in the end, it’ll be just another experience which One shall never forget. Because the price to pay for ignorance is, more time.

People used to say. One whom knows the History will never repeat the same mistake as past does. but why i still do.

Society fears individuals whom immerse in emotional state, esp the adverse kind. But does anyone out there, ever try to feel how they felt?

First cut is the deepest. Always the truth.

“When all seems lost. There’s still tomorrow , as the only reason to hope, to walk the line.”

Starlight.

.Feeling.

Limbic system of Human brain, act as center of emotion, long term memory, spatial memory, regulation of heart rate, cognitive processing, behavior and many more…It is well developed in the species Homo Sapien—us. It is the main reason, why we are different than other organism on planet Earth. And it result in Human, with the ability to have the greatest gift of all—to love.

Beginning.

Lesser event that initiate a series of event that follows, or rather chain reactions which later leads to different ending depending on the main character’s involvement and decision made. As applies on the chaos theory (a.k.a: Butterfly Effects), slight unnoticeable changes can causes unknowingly massive event in the end, nothing is predictable.

30.8.09---The Beginning of All

It all begins with a simple caring message regarding her profile quote in a popular networking site. She seems puzzled. Sad. Disappointed. As all her efforts doesn’t change the current situation of a relationship. When all hope seems lost and you just can’t make a different. 2 ending. Anger or despair.

She choose the latter one.

Nothing much. Just solution to the missing piece of a disrupted puzzle. A linkage is formed.

Sacrifice

An act of greatness which is done in the time of need, which brings harm or misdeed onto the personal in order to deem the opposite party from the inevitable ill fate or misfortune. Such act, is sacred, and of greatest deed…

2.09.09 11.50pm (last dialogue)

She: when u finish exam?

He: 14.9.09, y?

She: then u finish ur exam only talk to me

He: …

She: promise me u will do pass ur exam

After I count 3…u will forget all about me and dont know me at all

He: y? for wat?

She: for u concentrate to study la

He: …

ok

after 14.9.09

I’ll get to know u again

3

2

…

1

She: i will get to forget u…

Worries

States of emotion which may consist of assume, anxious, and even fear. This occurs as sudden event and changes on the opposite party’s safety or whereabouts who is important or in close relation to the 1^st party. In this state, anxiety arise and causes alarm awareness which triggers a series of chain reaction that causes impact on both emotional and physiological state of the personal, which usually results ends in symptoms such as insomnia as cardiac and neuronal system has been elevated via the adrenal influence…

3.9.09---4.9.09 ( The message of Hope)

They were chatting. Suddenly she told him, she’s going out and later will message him.

No worry.

But at nite a sudden message come asking the method of staying awake from drunk, and the way she try to keep her whereabouts secret makes him worried.

He’s thinking. Where could she be? How is she now?

They were far apart. The only linkage that keeps the conversation going on and the indication of her safety is the continual 0.10cent sms message to his phone.

As hours passed, anxieties grows stronger so as his state of awareness. He wont be able to rest easily now, and he will not.

The only antidote to his insomnia would be her confirmation message…and he holds onto that hope, against all odds…

Night ends, dawn came and leave eventually comes morning. His phone gives him the long waited answer. And he’s relieved.

Question

Phrase, which expected to follow up with an response from the opposite party known as answer. Depending on the question given, a degree of difficulties is determined but it may vary in different individual. Some answer, leads to events which, neither unimaginable nor predictable in the beginning, may even bears great responsibility and requires courage to state the appropriate phrase.

21.9.09---22.9.09 (Hidden Truth)

She’s puzzled. And she’s seeking the truth, regardless the following effects. He, Knows the answer but just don’t have the courage. Fear he may be, but he has good reason for keeping the answer.

When all against favor, he avoids the chances even it is given. Yet, no truth shall ever lies buried for eternality. On this very day, he told the truth. A phrase which may seem simple to the eyes of mortal but yet it is the very truth that lies long in his mind, a truth, as true as diamond could shine, as it should be.

Promise

Phrase, which said to ensure trustworthy in the opposite party, or to relieve a question given. Answer as such, bears responsibility. As for person whom value words utter from own mouth, the meaning is firm. As such phrase bears great responsibilities, it should be use with caution. One mistake make, Ones name is stain.

28.9.09---29.9.09 (A Promise)

Unintentionally, word hurts. A person should reap what he sow. travels back to the place they met and where she stays. He apologies. Apology accepted. Follow by events that unveil down the long night. He had made a promise.

Fear

A form of emotional stimulus which causes withdrawal of the personal from continual expose to its effects, in order to prevent further damage or influence onto the personal own being. It ranges from fear of darkness in childhood until the fear of rejection, which frequent applies in the life of the growth up. Seems simple but the effects could be catastrophic may even jeopardizes a linkage.

29.9.09 (Skin Deepp)

A stain, inerasable and has long encrypted into his gene pool ever since he’s born. Countless efforts had been pour on it yet result is firm, or rather…grim. He who bears this stain, is unacceptable to the majority. Fear of rejection causes him to walk on the road of never return, to the path which not all would have chosen…He lies. Lies that keep him, acceptable. Even until the extend of, he lies to She. Deep in his heart, he knows that this will not hold on forever, one day the truth will just surface as it will be. Hence so, before the Day of Judgment come, He confesses to She.

Distance

A space, that separates two distant point from colliding or meeting each other. As further the distance and the total time spent, may result in a tighter bond or loosen bonding between those two points. In term of the bonding strength, it is determined by the elements involves and the method of two points uniting as both intrinsic and extrinsic factor would greatly affects end results.

11.10.09---Through the looking glass by lewis carroll

Its been awhile. Since the last time they both met. And he knows he miss her, badly. Eventually. they met in a different way—the cybertronic way. Via a thin sheet of glass another person is just there.

How it’ll be nice. If the glass prison just doesn’t exists?

How nice. If the distance is in the form of inexistence?

yet. Time wasn’t so generous as it always be to the youth and innocent.

Beyond the distance apart, the person is just there. So close. yet so far away…they both are.

Love

Pronunciation: \ˈləv\

Function: noun

Etymology: Middle English, from Old English lufu; akin to Old High German luba love, Old English lēof dear, Latin lubēre, libēre to please

1 a (1) : strong affection for another arising out of kinship or personal ties (2) : attraction based on sexual desire :affection and tenderness felt by lovers (3) : affection based on admiration, benevolence, or common interests b :an assurance of love

2 : warm attachment, enthusiasm, or devotion

……………………

To define it. Its rather hard than it sounds likes. Earth Dictionaries just cant find the appropriate answer for it. Because It aint easy. It is more than a word. It bears responsibility, courage, selfishness, hatred, promise, fun, guilt…….To start with the definition of love, Ones could go on until no ends.

It doesn’t ends with a word. It brings effects. And via effects it initiate series of chain reactions…goes on and on till no ends.

It is a word, that what makes us human kind special.

Cherish it. As it is the greatest gift God gives to human beside light and life. It is the word which divides us from others carbon-based life being. It is the word which gave birth to emotion, inspiration, and even creation.

Say it. Just like u mean it. Say it proudly. to the One, who well deserve it…

*Cherish everyday of your life even in the darkest time, cause you never know out there, someone is waiting for you…when the darkest hours passed, dawn came. Then you’ll know: A new day has come, and its hell worth waiting for…

13.oct ^ Lee yen yao

Chua Sze Chee is...

Smelly 8 po!

Ketiak chou chou~

Pig in human dress!

Lee. =D

16th of June

16th of June, 21 years ago, approximately 10:27pm night, a baby boy was born. He is so different than his elder brother, which already 4 years old. Brother was born with parent’s skin-whitish. This new born…He inherited most of his Thai grandfather’s gene-big forehead, less hair and tanned skin. He is given the name yen yao-everlasting shine.

He is. The 2nd sons after his sister were born next year. He became the ‘youngest son’ in the family.

As the ‘youngest son’, Grandma’s over-spoiled-love misshapes the child personality, more care is put onto him and whenever he did mistake no punishment would be given. With no law applies on him, the child becomes disobedience. Since primary school parents been getting complaint from teachers, principle even schoolmate’s parent, he is famous for being the worst student ever in Chung hwa primary, from fighting to thieving, he done it all. Children are warned not to get close to him, for he is a bad influence. He and 2 other fren, yew wen and sze wen, made an infamous gang in the school. When the principle retires, he personally told the new principle, to ‘pay extra cautions on this kid’. All hope seem lost in saving this kid’s future, for he ain’t gonna change, until…in year 6, new class teacher, Miss Tan. She separate that ‘bad influence’ from all others children, personally supervise him, force him to do homework and stuff. She done something that all other couldn’t achieve. For merely 6 month, this child became her best student, especially in Chinese essay writing. He got 2 A for Chinese in UPSR. Everyone’s shocked.

13. Age of starting puberty. He enter Bukit Mewah high school (infamous school, once was), for 1 year he gain back those bad influence, from party-mouth to fighting, it’s all back to basic. Then next year his parent transfers him to Chan Hwa high school. Still the same, he screwed his school exam, and he was dump to the ‘last’ class. Then he meets the girl name Wani. She’s in the 2nd class. Even in that environment, he strife hard, while everyone’s is ‘partying’ everyday. He is trying to score into science class after PMR, so that he might be ‘on-the-same-level’ as her. Thanks to her influence, he succeeds in the end. Good things never last long. His close-fren cheated on him, in fact most of his boy-scout fren all did. Great misunderstanding occurs between him and the girl-from fren they becomes foe. The girl never talks to him no more, fact she hates him. She never listen to his explain. Along the way to recover he made some mistake as well, only worsen the situation and hence the relationship between them are so far gone. From an inspiration the girl turns to be his source of misery, he gave up his life from that time and so as his SPM.

Life goes on, he enter form 6. Broken hearted. He trusts no one else. He, hates his new class because his old-enemy is there, and that person is the main heart of the class. Looking for ‘sanctuary’, he found other new frens. Best Frens that influenced him to learn English and being his ‘only’ frens during that time. Even though they are over, he never forget the girl. He is still desperate in saving the relationship of them. Even all hope seems lost he still think the girl as his inspiration. But cold reaction from the girl breaks his heart, she never wanted to listen. And the negative thought and misery of losing the girl from his life almost kills him. For 2 years, he lives in total misery, he has turns negative in the end. Although fren he has, but few. He dislike the way of father’s teaching, he thought most of the family member are giving up of him…he’s now filled with hatred and misery, with no support from fren and family. As predicted, he screwed up his most important exam, STPM.

When the result’s out. He’s a sad man…he always wanted to become a Vet, he loves animals since childhood. But because of the result of him and eventually the government said No. He reaches his lowest point of his life. Bad temper, always he is. Fren calls no more, father seems like always scolding him, and sister looks down on him…Early morning wakes up he just wanna sleep longer. Negative thought filled his mind, all things seem unjust and he is lost. He tries to forget the miseries by consuming more foods. He once thought of ending this endless misery…but halt by the small part of sanity that left in him.

With one last hope, he prays to the Almighty. God gave him the chance. To make a big different in his life. He got the chance to be doctor, even after all these.

In the new world. Chances are given but he is still haunt by his past memories, and he is negative for the time. Then he met another person that inspires him for the whole years-belle. Throughout the year many thing he has learned. Thanks to belle, he tries to change, and learn to walk out from the past. Although during the year great misunderstanding occurs between them, but eventually it’s resolved. Although wasn’t perfect, but least now, thanks to belle, he is much different than his past-side. The time when he left Medan on May 2nd, he’s healed.

As with all human on earth, fate is so different from time to time. It is up to the person how to handle and goes on with their life. Looking back to the past 21 years of life the boy has experienced countless events and found out that many mistakes he has done especially to his family. Family never give up of him, and fact those that still stand with him even during the darkest stage of his life are family, and he is grateful. Plus, along the road he met a number of persons that change, guide and shape him. Without all these key maker, he would never able to find the way to his future. Infinites thanks goes to all of them. For they shape his life onto perfectness. Same as his name, his future, although unseen but he is sure, it’s bright.

The phone alarm rang at the exact time telling him, it’s 16th of June. He is now 21.

*This article is mostly based on the author recent major events and featuring major characters, mostly is incomplete because these are taken from the flesh brain’s memory.

Did you know…?

A series of Q&A fun facts about human anatomy, sexes and
stuff. Contains language and words that might not suitable for most individual hence
read it at your own risk. Above all, it’s fun to know more ain’t it? Here we
go,

1. Can men lactate?

-yea. Massage nipple for long period of time(years), or
suffer extreme starvation may stimulate the excretion of Prolactin hormone,
which in turn induce lactation.

2. Scientific term for removal of testicle

-Orchiectomy. (Sounds like a pasta.)

3. Why do women pee more than men?

-simple anatomy question, coz women have smaller bladder
capacity.

4. Can too much time on a bike lead to erectile dysfunction?

-true. When u sit on bike seat, you put pressure on the
perineum and nerves and blood vessels that are responsible for erectile
function. Compression in this area leads to decrease in penile blood flow, this
leads to penile fibrosis which causes difficulty in erection.

P.s:Perineum, this fancy-shmancy word also know as:
Taint/nifkin/grundle/ABC(ass-ball connection)/the runway/ the no-fly zone.

5. Why does it hurt so bad when you get kicked in the balls?

-Testicles develop inside the abdomen and move down into
scrotum before birth and the nerves and blood vessels remain attached even
after testes descend. Hence for that reason, you’ll feel the pain in the pit of
your stomach when the vicious blow happens. Trust me, it hurts.

6. Do steroids shrink your testicles?

-itz true, you may get big in some places with steroid, but
the other places may get smaller. So if u intention in taking steroids is to
look like some sort of Herculean road warrior, remember-you just may end up
with man-boobs and micro-balls instead.

7. Can woman get pregnant from pre-ejaculation?

-no. but there could be some residual sperm in the urethra
from recent sexual encounter! Therefore there is the risk of pregnancy with any
intercourse. Remember, don’t fall for that old line “I’ll just put it in for a
second so you can see how it feels.”

8. Does sex induce labor?

-Semen contains a high concentration of prostaglandins and
are often used for cervical ripening and induction of labor. Nipple stimulation
during sex can also cause contractions and may help bring on labor if the
cervix is already ripe. Inducing labor in this way is…well hard work.

9. Can you breast-feed with fake boobs?

-no. boobies plastic
surgery severed too many milk ducts hence the ability to breast-feed may be
impaired.

10. Can you breast-feed with nipple piercing?

-no prob, if you dare enough. coz during lactating baby
might suck too hard and tear-off your jewelry…Ouch.

11. What is that sound a vagina makes after sex?

-Blush! But we are here for the fact…after sex, when penis
is removed, air is released and you get some vaginal flatulence. “queef” and
“vart” often used to describe these noises that a woman may emit after sex.
Prove, u seek? Just stick a recorder near your vaginal the next time you have sex.

12. Why can you eat three times more than normal when you
have PMS(premenstrual gluttony)?

-true, and it is so proved. But it is not entirely clear why
this happens but researchers think it has to do with changes in serotonin
levels during the menstrual cycle that make you crave more food.

13. Can friends synchronize their menstrual cycles?

-Women who spend a lot of time together can synchronize
their menstrual cycles…wtf, for real? With over thirty years of research,
scientists can now proudly announce that it is true! But have no idea of how it
happens…

14. Why do your boobs get tender before your period?

Excretion of estrogen and progesterone during menstrual
cycle causes the enlargement of breast ducts and lobules respectively. These
increases in size lead to pain. The good news is, simple anti-inflammatory
medications can reduce the pain. also avoid very aggressive teenage boys who
want to feel you up, but haven’t yet learned the correct method.

15. Do women have hairy chests?

-well, some women do, due to their genetics. Luckily, there
are plenty of ways to get rid of excess hair, in a safe way.

16. Do women have wet dreams?

-yes they do, but it happens less common in women. Although
it’s rare, but it is more pleasant than male nocturnal orgasms and it is
continuous! How lucky to be a woman…

17. Is vaginal douching dangerous?

-Certainly it is. It involves flushing a special
solution(usually water and vinegar) into the vagina under premise that it
flushes out bacteria to reduce or eliminate odor…vaginal douching has many risk
and has been linked to a number of adverse health conditions including bacteria
and yeast infections and even reduced fertility! Remember, vagina is a
self-cleaning oven hence there is no need for fancy grooming products.

18. Why is one of my breast growing faster than the other?

-None of us is perfectly symmetrical…why? God knows, He made
us so.

P.s: with exceptional to some seemingly perfect
bisymmetry people like Jessica simpson, tyra banks, and of course, Barbie.

19. What is wet dream?

-nocturnal emissions that result of sexual excitement from
erotic dreams or physical stimulation from rubbing against sheets or blankets.
Instead of an evil thought wet dreams are in fact a wonderful thing. In dreams
we can have sex with actresses, porn stars, neighbors, coworkers, teachers,
girls who ignored us in high school, babysitters from childhood, that waitress
from the German restaurant…….wow.

20. Is there such a thing as a death erection?

-the myth is true! When you die, your blood will pool due to
gravity, and you will gradually stiffen due to build up of lactic acid in your
muscles(rigor mortis) if you die facedown, the pooling of blood will lead to
death erection-a.k.a “angel lust”.Rest in peace.

*Source: Billions thankx goes to Doctor Bill and Gill researches and their book "why do men have nipples", what a brilliant piece of work!

She.

I don’t believe it…i guess i’ll never be able to…
for so many year, i was into wani, even though she never talks to me no more for years…i never give up, i kept going back for her, for so long…
Until.
She. I meet her in this foreign country, we both are malaysian, and together we all stay under one roof, with others malaysian as well. all things went well, days goes by, just like malaysian school life…
People makes fren in this house, and sometime becomes enemy to the other person, some couple up, some breaks up, table talks happen most of the times to settle things down, just like normal life we seen on tv series..life in hostel ain’t like house, where you get to see your dear parents and your lovely siblings and even your lively pet dog…under one roof with different blood lines, things goes on and down, vary.
She. was a fren of mine. we use to talk, backstab other people, BBQ sausages on rooftop, joke bout teacher and all…yes, we were fren.
One thing really weird about the thing called ‘feeling’ is that, you didn’t really notice until it grow into size of a lump, until it really did mess with your thought, like a spirit within…It was too late, chance for me to cut it off has slip,and I, had made a mistake…dead mistake. I told myself, I’m in love with her.
She had a boyfren, i was told. I’ve tried to rid of this feeling, but it ain’t easy, it ’s never that easy. She’s deeply in love, and i’m just another Mr.whatever that trying to get this Mrs somebody. I really did tried, to hold this malignant disease within my body, to shut it off for good, still it lingers.I’ve decided not too close to her nowadays, in case i made mistake that she’ll notice and our friendship will be so over. I hope, maybe after this holiday, everything will be back to normal, like it never ever happen. holiday, our semester break, we all went home. God’s work, i guess, i got the same flight time ticket as hers, and i sat next to her during the whole time, from waiting room in medan till airport lobby in KL. we talk alot, more than usual. after depart with her in the airport, i had a dream that night back home, it was beautiful.
I’m taking exam during this semester break in KL, i try to forget her as i study like i never did before, even in stpm. I’m doing my best, to rid of this feeling, coz it’s a guild to have this feeling, and i told myself: it’s wani that i should go back for, not she.. i’ve succeed. her messages in my indox are history, so as the feeling, as i thought so…
January, i’m back to medan. on flight, i had this really weird feeling: i was hoping we’re on the same flight, and i could sat next to her again, get closer again…she arrive in afternoon, i meet her back in hostel, a usual fren hello and goodbye is what i said to her that day, none else.
Weeks past by, we are fren, the usual type.one day she wants to borrow my book, i was reluctant that time(it’s my favourite book), and i really can’t believe i really thought like that…it was so over, i guess. life goes on, me and she are getting as closer fren, as we more frequent messaging each other. one day, she ask me if i want to join this chinese new year party, i was like, hell yeah why not..i should have reject her that day…
That day, we arrive home earlier than usual, to prepare for tonite. i wore my best shirt, and my best shoe, waiting in the front door, and then i saw a different person waving at me…She. Totally different. She’s stunning in the red satin dress…lost of words, we go to the destination with taxi, and spend the rest evening there. during the time, we are on different table, i message her during the boring speech, and she reply. I can’t hold the feeling any longer, i told her that she, in fact, really look good in that red dress…a simple compliment message but all hell breaks loose.
She. suspect me. she can sense something is wrong. usually we chat and stuff, just normal, but these day i’m acting really different, she said to her frens. i admit, yeah. the feeling is back, was normal at the begining of this semester, and because i try my best to hold it, but burning high after that dinner night…
She. starts ignore me. she stops reply my message, and getting further from me…why..i know i’m doing a bad thing, i shouldn’t have that feeling at 1st, coz she’s owned! but i was doing my best to hold it, i dare not to steal her and stuff, all i’m trying to do is just be fren..though sometime i did something usual fren normally won’t do…
All seem lost. to save our fren realationship, I decided to talk with her, face to face, me and you…she was nervous when i told her that..Waiting on the rooftop for nearly half hour, sat alone thinking of all those negative effect and result that if she didn’t come and stuff really making me crazy..i sat there and even cried.Still, she appear later on. I told her everything, EVERYTHING i mean, and i apologize for having this guildty feeling. She said she understand…I knew it all along, things is so different from the past now.
We, are no longer best fren. Still, she reply every message i’ve sent, but i knew that wasn’t her will, she did that just not to let me felt dissapointted. She looks nervous everytime we talk…
All because of me. because of those stupid thing i’ve done…i got to made up to her. I decided, i should stay further from her, and i’ve stop messaging her…her fren are talking behind her back, coz she already had a boyfren, and now sumthing like she’s seducing other guy and stuff…human’s mouth, sometime are worst than snake’s venom…i’ve decided again, i should do something. I spread rumors, that my past GF is back to me, just to cleanse her name, although brings back old memories hurts me, the fuck i care for now.
Her birthday, i dare not to celebrate largely for her, i just give all i could for her because I know, no matter what i do now, people will still be talking behind us, like i’m stealing her and stuff, even though i was trying to be just her fren…what done is done, regret is useless. For now, i lives my life as usual, so as she, for i dare not to get that close to her anymore, even if i don’t care what people said, but she’s the victim too, i must not think of ownself only..for now, i just do all my best to aids her, care for her and everything, behind everyone eyes, a hidden fren lol…i sincerly don’t know how she thinking, but i don’t care, if no harm will comes to her anymore, i’m willing to do…
She. taught me how to laugh, coz i’ve been taking life tooooo serious all these years, until i didn’t really felt the joy and frens around me. She. reminds me of what i’ve missed: basketball. She. as always the smiley girl that i known, brings joy whenver she’s around. She. reminds me of all the things i’ve missed in my teenage years…
I couldn’t love her, but i could protect her, and i know, it is my duty.
Whenever seeing she smiles…I’m bliss.

Unforgettable Night (uncensored version)

Unforgettable Night—A Diary
by Heinrich
It was a nice evening with just the two of us. We had a candle light
dinner and a bottle of wine. You looked very sexy in your elegant evening
gown. On the way home you were saying how much of a lovely time you had at
our romantic dinner.

After we returned home you were standing in the bedroom kicking off your
shoes when you asked me to rub your back. I approached you from the rear
and placed my hands onto your shoulders. You let out a sigh when I began
to massage you. You started saying how good it felt when I took my hands
and traced down the outside of your arms. When I reached your hands I
started to massage your fingers very gently. Then tracing back up your
arms I pulled my hands across your shoulders then down your back putting
just enough pressure on each side of your spine with my thumbs while
placing my fingers on the out side of your back. I continued this until
you were totally relaxed. I then reached your butt and took my time to
caress each cheek gently. I then continued down your left leg to your
foot. I proceeded to move back up this time with my hands under your dress
to your butt. I again massaged each cheek gently, while ever so lightly
caressing the back of your neck with my mouth. I then moved down the right
leg to your foot. Then with a hand on each leg I moved my hands back up
the sides of your body removing your beautiful dress. I take the dress up
over your head. Placing my hands back onto your head I gently massage your
scalp down to your neck. I then turn you to be you facing me. I lightly
give you a kiss on the forehead telling you how beautiful you are. With
the back of my hands I trace ever so gently down each cheek to your neck.
Then with feather light touches I trace around your breast back up between
them to your neck. I’m careful not to totally touch either breast or
nipple. Again I gently glide my hands down your arms and gently massage
each finger. I then move my hands around to your back down your butt and
on down your legs. Then with my thumbs on your inner thigh I trace back up
your legs. Just before I reach your panties, I pull my thumbs out and
place my hands on the back of your thighs. I continue up, placing my face
ever so close without touching you so she can feel my warm breathe, as I
move up to your stomach, I move my hands back around to your stomach and
feathery touch you in between your breasts back to your face. I gently
kiss you on the mouth while I ever so diligently pick you up and place you
onto the bed.

Once on the bed I have you roll onto your stomach. I then sit next to you
and spend a very large amount of time gently massaging you. I start at the
top of your head and continue down your back and arms to your butt, were I
kiss each cheek, then continue to massage you to your feet. Once at your
feet I repeat the process only in reverse and go back to the top of your
head. I then roll you onto your back. Again I gently massage you. Starting
with your face continuing around your breast making sure I don’t touch a
nipple. I then kiss around your breasts and let your nipples feel my warm
breath. I continue kissing you all over down your stomach then to your
moist pussy that has soaked your lace panties. After you have felt my
breathe upon you, I trace with light touches around your mound without
touching your clit, then I go down each leg until I reach your feet. I
then repeat the process only this time in reverse back to your face. I’m
careful not to touch your nipples or your pussy. I then kiss you ever so
gently on the mouth. Then moving to your ears and suck them as you like.

I continue to kiss you with like pecks using my tongue on your face and
neck continuing down your chest to your nipples. I take each nipple into
my mouth gently sucking and licking spending ample time. I continue down
your stomach to your bellybutton. I gently lick and bite your bellybutton
before continuing to your lace panties. I gently slide them off. When I
reach her feet I take your panties and sniff her sweet nectar that you
have left in them. I then take and suck and lick each toe into my mouth.
Starting back up I alternate my kissing on each leg. Has I go back up you
begin to spread your legs. I lay between your legs and ever so elegantly
begin to kiss and lick the inner part of your thighs. I can feel the heat
you have started to generate upon my face. I continue this around your
pussy and then on each lip. As you feel my warm breath on you, you begin
to moan ever so softly. I continue to slowly tease you by licking her
pussy from the top all the way to your anus, I tell you how sweet you
taste but careful not to touch her clit. Then when you begin to moan
louder and starts to squirm and can not take it any longer, I gently lick
your clit. I then take your clit into my mouth where I elegantly suck it.
Not too hard at first just soft and slow. As you begin to rock and moan
loudly I then suck your clit faster and harder. As you have your first of
many, orgasm I do not release your clit from my mouth. Only when you begin
to relax will I release you. Then with a gentle tongue I slowly lick your
pussy and anus clean. Slowly tasting all of her sweetness, and not leaving
a drop.

When you have totally relaxed I move up and tell you how beautiful you are
and how much I love you. I then kiss you Good Night.

Nur Syazwani–My Light

It has been 2 years, since the last time i saw her.

The last time i saw her was, she’s leaving for national service on the next day. At night approximately 8:30pm, standing in front of her house,i saw she’s watching Tv with the rest of the family. I then put the letter and potrait of her (which i draw and kept for almost a year) into her mail box. I told myself, i shall not depend on her, never again.

Then i left.

2005, march. She had finish national service, and comin home this sunday. my friend told me that she’ve got a new boy friend, ‘that doesn’t concern me no more’, was my reply. But at night time when i’m alone, my heart felt the pain, again. It has been long since i had this feeling, but now it’s back. i try to force myself not to call her or whatever, she had her own life now, and i’m not going to interfere this time.Again i told myself to be strong, God’s watching over me so i’m actually not alone.

2001,mid year. I meet a girl this morning, she’s so pretty. From my sis i know that she’s actually a muslim, coz she’s ‘mix’, a combination of chinese and malay…We meet again few day later.since she’s a girl guide and i’m a boyscout, hence sometime we’ll combine in some activity.this time for sure, my heart bouncing faster than ever and i know i’m in love…I told my friends(so-called) of my feeling towards her few day later, but the secret doesn’t hold, and it finally broke out and reach her ear.She start ignoring me since that day,and our short-lived-friendship has gone.

2005,July-october. I force myself reading english novel, so that i could improve my languege skill. she’s really good at english, from what i know…Muet day, i look at her picture(which we taken together at form 5 time), before entering the test centre.’ i hope i can do this as good as you are’, i said.

2002,PMR. I pray to God, to guide me in this trial, and to protect her… i saw her passing by my classroom, and i wish that one day i could be on her level, to study in science class. please guide me through this, my light!

2006,march. Give me strenght! i Shout this word in my mind while pulling the rope on sport-day, but eventually i still lose.

2004, november.My heart hurt like hell, when i saw her together wit her bf. Back home i felt so sad that i couldn’t stop crying, i throw my diary the next day and said i will never want these memories ever again.

2006, october.1 more month left to stpm, and her news come to me no more, she has been away from my life for nearly 2 years…after all thse years, i felt that it’s time, that i should left she,coz i’ve become too dependant on she, i should face the trial myself this time, without she.

I still remember, these years whenever i’m down, i just look at the picture we took together. she’s so pretty in that photo, ever the same…

Thank you and Farewell, Wani.