Nur Syazwani–My Light

It has been 2 years, since the last time i saw her.

The last time i saw her was, she’s leaving for national service on the next day. At night approximately 8:30pm, standing in front of her house,i saw she’s watching Tv with the rest of the family. I then put the letter and potrait of her (which i draw and kept for almost a year) into her mail box. I told myself, i shall not depend on her, never again.

Then i left.

2005, march. She had finish national service, and comin home this sunday. my friend told me that she’ve got a new boy friend, ‘that doesn’t concern me no more’, was my reply. But at night time when i’m alone, my heart felt the pain, again. It has been long since i had this feeling, but now it’s back. i try to force myself not to call her or whatever, she had her own life now, and i’m not going to interfere this time.Again i told myself to be strong, God’s watching over me so i’m actually not alone.

2001,mid year. I meet a girl this morning, she’s so pretty. From my sis i know that she’s actually a muslim, coz she’s ‘mix’, a combination of chinese and malay…We meet again few day later.since she’s a girl guide and i’m a boyscout, hence sometime we’ll combine in some activity.this time for sure, my heart bouncing faster than ever and i know i’m in love…I told my friends(so-called) of my feeling towards her few day later, but the secret doesn’t hold, and it finally broke out and reach her ear.She start ignoring me since that day,and our short-lived-friendship has gone.

2005,July-october. I force myself reading english novel, so that i could improve my languege skill. she’s really good at english, from what i know…Muet day, i look at her picture(which we taken together at form 5 time), before entering the test centre.’ i hope i can do this as good as you are’, i said.

2002,PMR. I pray to God, to guide me in this trial, and to protect her… i saw her passing by my classroom, and i wish that one day i could be on her level, to study in science class. please guide me through this, my light!

2006,march. Give me strenght! i Shout this word in my mind while pulling the rope on sport-day, but eventually i still lose.

2004, november.My heart hurt like hell, when i saw her together wit her bf. Back home i felt so sad that i couldn’t stop crying, i throw my diary the next day and said i will never want these memories ever again.

2006, october.1 more month left to stpm, and her news come to me no more, she has been away from my life for nearly 2 years…after all thse years, i felt that it’s time, that i should left she,coz i’ve become too dependant on she, i should face the trial myself this time, without she.

I still remember, these years whenever i’m down, i just look at the picture we took together. she’s so pretty in that photo, ever the same…

Thank you and Farewell, Wani.